Life is like...

A box of chocolates? Nah... if it's that easy, a lot of ppl would have had a longer life. I guess ever since I studied IT, i'm absolutely acting like a geek. I realised I don't really know how to have fun like I used to. My mind is always filled with assignments, programs, computer, blah.. Speaking of program, I guess our life can be made into one. So I'm planning to generate a java code. But of course, it won't be a real running program. Just want to make out the struture, generating the algorithm of it. Ahaha. Is like writing lyrics but no music for the song yet. Lol. what am I talking about...

Well basically nothing much. I guess my life is nothing but boredom. Met Khan in college today, haha... It feels like... I don't know how to say.. but when she said the me now is not the old me. I guess she's right. I'm not. I've becoming a person who starting to learn how to lock my emotions and thoughts within myself. I was really talkative last time, although I'm still talkative, my way of talkative now is so much more difference than the way I used to. I've become more offensive than ever, I used to be so nice and not to be so mean, but as the days gone by, my attitude has becoming really terrible.. I just don't know why. One of the reason could be the environment. As I've mentioned before... KDU is such a terrible place to study. Everyday going with the same shitty feeling and go home with the depression after class. Thank goodness I'm not alone. I've got my good friends. (if only they go college constantly.. *hint hint* haha. kidding.. who am I to say... I skipped class occasionally too =P) But of course knowing the important of most of the class.. some major class that has minor knowledge, I just don't bother to go. This time around, she just used the "behaviour" mark that we had for assignment 2 to threaten us to come for her class. What a bitch. Duh. She has always been one hasn't she? pfft. Just want to get over this semester with her and don't want to see her face EVER again.

Blah.. let's put that stupid complaining aside. Hmm.. lately I've been pretty obssessed with.. Yondaime. Haha. yep. Still in the Naruto crazy trend. Lol. trust me when you started to watch the episodes, you'll be getting more and more involved with it. Now that's the problem with anime/manga... it's like a drug. Once you tasted it, you will be addicted to it. Gosh and I actually like a dead anime character. Yeah. Yondaime's dead *spoiler alert* But truly, he's one of the guy in Naruto that is so damn hot. Although he has the same blond, spiky hair like naruto, somehow his appearance is more adorable than naruto. I wonder if Yondaime has the loud voice like Naruto. Whenever I think of the same grin they had, it just couldn't help to think that Yondaime IS naruto's father. Somehow there's ppl saying Jiraiya is Yondaime's father? O.o OMG.. what kind of mistake is that? Is true that they had the same hairstyle. But is just hairstyle. For pete sake if Jiraiya is Yondaime's father, Jiraiya could have been the 4th hokage. And where's his wife? If he has a wife, he would have been a pervert. Lmao.. Ero -sennin.. No way that Jiraiya is Yondaime's father. If Yondaime is Naruto's father, that's so possible. But then again, there's some unsolved question when it comes to this too.

My my.. look at the time.. I better start studying on my MSA. I've got exam tmr. *dies*

Deja vu

ah.. wtf? I'm so f-ing stuck! And seriously, I'm starting to feel breathless. Someone... Save Me! Why do I have to complain the same thing over and over again and why do I have the same problem over and over again? I'm beginning to wonder if I'm mentally retarded. Or maybe my brain cells starting to die? Shit. Why can't I just finish this so-called "easy to score" (so my lecturer claimed) assignment? She's absolutely a PEST! Why don't she just f-ing leave the education field already?! If she goes on like this, it would be disaster for the upcoming students. Owh well what to do.. the college itself it's already a disaster. *sigh* =_='''

The pressure is absolutely going to make me suffocate.There's a few assignment need to pass up soon. One being the most annoying subject for me, FHCI which is this coming monday. Then after submitting this, we'll be given assignment 2. Then on friday there's another assignment to submit. Then after that.... ahhh.. when will this ever gonna end? This sound so f-up! Ya, I don't deny that I hate the subject b/c of the lecturer. But also b/c I don't learn anything from it that's why I hate the subject. Yeah i'm being prejudice.. so what? Well can't exactly say I am cuz she's been like this for 2 damn semesters. She's the laziest yet a "smart" lecturer who knows how to make herself survive in this field. WTF? That's not a compliment btw, *sarcasm filter*

I miss my problem-free days so damn much at this point. Damn it damn it. I think I need to buy a punching bag to actually make me punching at it to release all these anger and frustration. *sigh* I'm off.

Beware of what you wish for...

Ahaha..when I read back my old entries, it just felt like I've typed them yesterday. I actually got what I wished for. Not only one, but two things. First, I've been dying to have a laptop ever since I I got into the IT field and I got a powerbook eventually. Sweet. Then for years I've been wishing and wishing to meet my dear Mike Shinoda. And guess what, it came true this year. After years of wishing, I finally met him. I can't said enough of how unbelievable the experience was. It's like I almost couldn't believe he's right in front of me. And heck I even got a picture with him! A picture with MIKE SHINODA! How cool is that? :D Thank God for making my dream a reality ^^

So basically if you start wishing for something, you better keep on believing that it will come true b/c it IS going to come true. Just like my blog name, Fantasy Makes Reality. I always believe that nothing is impossible and that's how the name came about. I guess I made the right name :)

Looking back to the years that had been past by, it's full of happiness, grief and sorrow, wtf moments, magical moments, and everything else. I find that I've learnt to become a loner rather than a person who communicate with others. In terms of studying, 2005 and 2006 are not really good for me. I guess 2007 will be the same as I'm still gonna be in KDU. KDU so happened to take so many things away from me. *sigh* I miss the old days. But it's useless, I can only miss them and there's no way I can go back to that time. And knowing that the upcoming days are gonna be tough and I wonder how long can I hold on to it. The best thing to do, always believe in what you do, don't force yourself to go to the edge of breaking down cuz there's always a way to solve problems. I might not be the person that I've always wanted to be, but somehow I know that I won't regret if I've tried hard enough.

*peace*

I just..

The tense is just getting stronger.. I'm getting more and more nervous... Shit. Can I ever get through all this just fine?

I guess feeling lonely is one of the feeling I hate the most. But recently I think I kinda starting to get use to it. Ever since the day I started to be educated, I've always been surrounded by lots of friends but funny enough as time goes by, ppl around me are getting less. This feeling keeps repeating ever since I stepped into KDU. To be frank I really dislike being alone. Probably once in a while when I'm not in the mood, that time I'll be preferring to be alone. But I guess most of the time I would like to have someone with me. I'm used to having my friends being around me. I'm scared to be alone. I don't like to be alone. Loneliness just suck. I'm used to be alone at home but I'm still trying to adapt the feeling of being alone when I'm out from home. Call me a not independent 21 yrs old or whatever I admit I rely on friends when it comes to moment like this. *sigh*

I just don't know what else can I say now.

Wishing Hoping Praying

Actually when will all this stupid feelings be gone huh? I'm sick of thinking about my life and realised nowadays are all about "sigh".

I'm lazy. I admit that. I've become so not concentrate towards my studies. It's not like there's something bothering me is just that I guess it's time that I get sick of being a student. I know when I start working in the future I'll be complaining about my job and missing being a student. Life's like that. Always look back or look beyond. Hmm.. looking beyond...

Just talked to a friend about birthday parties. Ehehe. It's like officially 21 this year.OMG. Lol. Big party? I wish. But how could you party without thanking the person who gives you everything and make you available in this world? Yes, Mum. It's funny to hear how my mum talk sometimes. Whenever I told her about celebrating one's birthday, she'll be like "celebrating for what? you should celebrate for the person who gave u a life!" haha. Come and think of it, it really make sense. Owh wow. It's been almost 21 years that I breathe in this world and remaining as a living form. Amazing =D (lol. uhm u'll probably thinking i'm in the cuckoo state now.. which is true)

Ahaha. Let me see what's my wishlist this year. Owh well.. the biggest wish I've been having so long has been a reality. Why would I want to ask for more? :D But seriously after whatever happened, i absolutely believe that if you always believe in what you wish for, your dream will eventually come true. Just that it takes time. Really, don't give up on ur dreams. Lol. I'm always a greedy person. Still want to talk about my wish. I wish to have my close friends around me and have a great time together. It doesn't matter where, as long as we really really have fun =) And once again, thank God for making my dreams of meeting Mike Shinoda come true. I'll somehow get the tattoo done later. Need to make sure my skin is seriously fine with those needles cuz my skin is pretty sensitive though.I do wish to hang out with a big bunch of ppl like I used to in HELP again. But guess the chances are pretty slim since most of them are in overseas.

I need motivation to do my work. Half of it lost due to my powerbook. I just sent in for warranty service today. *sob* I miss it. Probably is not such a bad thing after all cuz it can keep me from distracted for a while.

I want a car. I don't care whatever car. For now I just wish I could like have my own transport cuz seriously malaysian bus suck. Not only bus suck. Most of the facilities in malaysia don't deserve a good anyway.The places.. even the ppl now. I just really hate those criminals. Why are they so cruel? They made it seems like killng a person like no big deal. Come on.Where's all the humanity? Don't they even think before they slashed someone? Those ppl are really sick. Pity for those who were being targeted.Hopefully those who lost their life can rest in peace.

Alright. Time to go off for more work and less play. Ciaoz

Vote vote vote

lol. nothing much to talk abt today. Is another ordinary monday. Surprisingly not as blue as it used to be. Haha. Probably spoke to someone who can make me feel so much more alive again. lol. not saying alive.. it's just inspiring and making me feel better.

Lol. My frens and I hanged out in 1 u today since one of the lecturer was on MC . And lol.. we saw Paul Moss. And seriously.. he's so infamous. No bodyguards. He's just like an ordinary white guy walking by. Although my fren intend to make his day by going over to Paul and make him take pic. In the end , we didn't :D

Anyway.. just to kill time while waiting for the voting thing. Sigh. I hate PCD fans. They want to play dirty, we won't be so nice anymore. Multivoting at once. I'll be opening 6 browsers of mine signing in with different username. See who will play now. :P

Lol. anyway.. laterz. i feel so damn lazy to go for class tmr. *sigh*

Assignments.. Assignments... Assignments....

Grrrr... I'm going crazy!!!! I know what I want to do but I just don't know where to start!!! WTF??!!!

*smashes the book on the table*

*violent scene*

WARNING: parental guidance! If you're under 18, please leave this blog immediately to prevent unwanted harm emotionally or physically.

=/

*throws books all over the place*

you can see how insane those ass-ignment making me. meep. =/

*tearing all the papers*

*bite myself*

*bang my head on the table*

*laughing like mad cow*

*cries*

*off the blog*

In the merge of giving up... NOT!

Lol. Everytime when I have the intention to give up on certain things, I can never reach the end point of seriously giving up. Why is that? It just so happen that Mike's face stop me from really giving up. As I've been mentioning about the stress and pressure from all the assignments and all the happenings around, there were a few times I've been really struggling to give up straight away. But I just couldn't do it.

SImple enough, just like the voting for FM in the MTV asia awards thingy. We FM fans knowing that the PCD fans have been cheating by using the automated voting machine to vote for PCD and yet we're still trying so damn hard to push the percentage up for FM. I don't deny that I got pretty pissed off for all the voting I'm trying to do and it seems like it means nothing when the PCD votes just got up so easily. It made me feel like "what for I keep voting when I know that in the end my votes don't help at all". NO. I'm wrong. This is exactly a competition for us. If FM wins by not having any competitors, it won't be so meaningful if they win it. So now, I'm taking it as like if we want to win this, we must win it fair and square. So in the end, we won't feel a single guilt of anything cuz we didn't cheat. We will feel even proud to win this. Just like how mike is showing his dedication and hardwork on his record. Did he ever give up? Ha. If he did, there won't be FM anymore and LP won't be making great music for us. *kudos to the FM general*

Like my assignments, as I mentioned in my previous entries, the lecturer taught us NOTHING and she claimed that we should be doing independent study. So what? I don't give a shit anymore. I'll just do whatever I can, try to penalize me if you dare. It's not going to be ONLY my fault if I didn't do well. What's the purpose of going for classes? Let me tell you, we go for class is to LEARN! And not for you to come and tell us to do research on our own. If we SHOULD do research on our own, what for I NEED TO PAY YOU?! Are you stupid or something? You're not even qualified to be a lecturer. No standard at all! I'm gonna show you what I can do for myself. pfft.

Alright. Gotta move on with the work. Thanks to shinoda I'm able to pick myself up from the hopeless thoughts. I'm gonna work harder and harder. *hugs Mike* you're the best :)